Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;’ Romans 12:12
C-Day!!!
Firstly, a note: I’m so appreciative of the kind and supportive comments from my wonderful readers, and sometimes these include most excellent suggestions. My dear friend Kay has proposed the perfect name for big tummy, Bertha (as in Big Bertha, the German World War 1 gun, but we won’t focus on the gun part), and it’s just so Right that I am going to immediately edit all older posts so she can enjoy being named right from the start.
We headed off bright and early yesterday morning to the Harpenden Spire Spa, where a day of treatments and hopefully a little pampering beckoned. Things got off to a good start when we were presented with a tray of refreshments (mineral water in a can, would you believe: I shall give this place a 5-star rating on Trip Advisor). A tempting-looking lunch menu beckoned, although finding vegan keto choices was not easy; the mushroom soup starter was the closest I could find.
We are at this hospital not chiefly for the spa experience, (although in fairness it was a pretty top day out, all things considered), but for an extra drug not available on the NHS, an immunotherapy concoction called Avastin. It feels so very wrong that only those with insurance can access such a thing…come on, NHS…
I was shown to my room, disappointingly not the ravishingly purple example that we had enjoyed for the assessment last week, heralding instead a lurid greeny-yellow wall the exact same colour as my breakfast super smoothie, but it was calm and comfortable with a garden view and hotel-style bathroom complete with mini toiletries (not that a shower was on the cards, mind you).
Portia was unveiled for the first time from under her dressings, looking surprisingly neat and elegant, although she does protrude from my chest rather. Doc Frankenstein had warned me about that, commenting in an almost accusatory way: ‘You don’t have much flesh, do you?’ Sorry, Doc, should have made less effort to keep fit…
Given what it has taken to get to this point, the administration of the chemo was something of an anti-climax: of course, that was a good thing, even (dare I say) relaxing sat hooked up to the machine listening to it gently whirring away while I read or chilled listening to music (huge shout out to my awesome brother for compiling a playlist of tunes straight out of my 80s teenage bedroom, most of which I had forgotten about and caused me to emit squeals of nostalgic delight).
After lunch (excellent soup), things got even better as the full-on pampering I had hoped for did indeed materialise. I was tucked into the crisp high thread-count sheets by lovely Nurse Sarah and cocooned with a magnificent heat wrap, designed to counteract the sensitivity to cold that was the particular talent of the next drug. I constantly sipped steaming ginger tea in case my throat decided to have a drama queen moment and seize up, but there was not a spasm in sight.
I was, however, fully anticipating my next sentence to read thus: ‘I was revelling in the bliss of the giant bed hug when reality stepped in and I started to experience sensations akin to the invasion of my body by twisting, snake-like aliens’- but no. Sorry to disappoint, but the fluffy cosiness continued until the end of the day, when I was disconnected from the machine and attached to my going-home present of travel-size chemo, which will stay by my side in hip flask-style until Wednesday. The cute little pink bottle inside the chic yet practical wearable bag is deceptive, for it contains the most potent, vicious drug of the lot, Flourouricil. Time will tell how well it behaves…
The fabric bag was dwarfed, however, by the colossal party bag I was given from the pharmacist, containing not just a myriad of drugs (anti-sickness, anti-diarrhoea, anti-other things I can’t remember, but there is a big chart on our fridge), but also a Chemical Spill Kit to be utilised in the event of the hazardous liquid escaping in some kind of accident. I haven’t opened the kit, but the contents seem to suggest that it includes some kind of Hazmat suit…wait, this is for handling the same stuff that is currently flowing merrily into my body…
Had a surprisingly good night with my little bottle by my side; the advantage of being stuck in one sleeping position on my back became clear as it didn’t move an inch.
In other most excellent news, I allowed the morphine patch to join in the party in my body on Sunday, along with self-medicated anti-sickness pills, as I was unable to make a single movement without feeling like I was being stabbed in the stomach by a Samurai sword. Two days later… and I have much freer movement and far less pain! Yes, you read that correctly. Why couldn’t some numpty have suggested that a month ago?!!! Morph (what other name?) is now my new best friend.
But biggest (or smallest given the subject) news of all, I woke up this morning to find that Bertha had deflated noticably! Absolute shock and of course joy. Cue much speculation as to why: was it the steroids I was pumped with yesterday? Was it one of our alternative remedies: the fenugreek seed water, the CBD oil, the milk thistle, the curcumin (recent additions to our now colossal DIY army)? Was it the tortuous yet wellness-inducing diet that I’ve stuck to unfailingly for the last week? Answers on a postcard please. But whatever the reason, we are so thankful to God for this mercy and rejoicing in our hearts.
I’m feeling good today and planning to finally start work on collating my compositions, as well as perhaps even a little light housework, music to Steve’s ears. Things may change over the next few days, but we are lifted up by each little triumph and focusing only on the Now.
‘Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.’ Matthew 6: 34
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You write so eloquently and with such humour. You are amazing x x x
Thank you so very much, that has lifted me up!
Hi Sam
I am delighted Bertha has been so named and also delighted to hear she’s shrunk!!
She can keep her name when she’s back to normal size as I’ve just discovered there were little Bertha’s too!
I am always amazed at how such “poison” can cure and also who in their right minds would think of trialling such awful ideas, but so very glad they did and continue to do so, because as they say “together we will beat it!”
I hope the next few days aren’t too bad for you and Morph can help you (I used to love watching him with Tony Hart).
Don’t do too much housework (sorry Steve)!
Love as always
Kay
💜
I hope today is as good as yesterday and the drugs keep doing positive things.
So good to hear Bertha has reduced in size…long May Bertha shrink!
Don’t get busy with housework ( I think a tidy house is over rated! Just make sure the boys keep a clear pathway for you so you don’t trip🤣) and keep focus on eliminating Bertha!
Hope and prayers with you feeling good today! Keep on the vegan trail! ❤️🌻🙏
Great news Sam! You may be pumped full of ‘bad ass’ meds, remedies, concoctions etc and a walking pharmacy, but enjoy the ‘ups’ , every single bit of them! And NO housework young lady!!!! Go have a tinkle on the ivories instead please!!! Lots of ❤️ x
Ok so playing the piano is a far better idea than housework, great shout, I promise you I will! X
Atta girl! 😍🎹🎼🎹🎼🎹🎼🎹🎼🎹 music makes the world a better place! NOT housework …..!
Hello Sam.
Although we’ve never met, I’m getting an idea of how brave and amazing you are.
Thinking of you a lot, and praying very much.
Anna
But thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head. Ps 3: 3
Thank you so much, Anna. Although we have never met, we are truly connected in Christ x
Hey Sam! Been keeping up to date with these blog posts. Really glad to hear you’re feeling better, the small victories make a big difference 😀
Superstar , no other words 💖
Sam, I’m so pleased all seems to be going well so far. And I specifically wanted to forbid you from using any newfound freedom and energy to do housework, but I can see that Melissa and Kay have already done that. I’m sure Steve feels exactly the same, but if it is an issue, I will come straight round and you can direct me like some poorly designed and terribly inefficient robot maid!
Kristin xxx
Ha ha! Cracking up picturing you as a robot maid 🤣. Thanks so much, I may yet ask you.. I have been very good and stayed away from the housework, but enjoyed the triumph of a little light tidying as well as lots of rest with my feet up x
Oh please let me come round with Kristin, we can housework together for you.
Firstly it’s been a long time since all 3 of us were under one roof and secondly I have to see a robot maid 😂.
Love as always
Kay
X
💜
Yes! Let’s arrange it! And no housework required (although Kristin can pretend to be a robot maid if she’d like to give me a laugh)x
Sorry, I only saw the initial response until now. Thank you Kay for getting my attention on Messenger.
I am so pleased to read that the cocotion of medications and home remedies are making a difference and you are feeling more comfortable. Absolutely agree about leaving the housework!
You are in my thoughts constantly ♥️ Sending much love and best wishes to you and your family.
Tish xxx
Lovely to hear from you and thank you so much, Tish. Xx
Heartening to read a happier sounding post after the previous ones.
Thinking of you with every step of the way!
Lots of love
It is so good to read about the positive experiences of your first C Day (kind of made me cry). You are right, only Now matters. Let the good times replenish your energy. 🎶🎶🎶
PS I so need your wellness eating plan!
We were so glad and relieved to read that Monday went well and that you woke up feeling so much more comfortable yesterday- truly wonderful news! We hope today has been another day of feeling good with much music and very little housework xx
Well avoided the housework but enjoyed making homemade soup for lunch, first time I could stand and cook in weeks! X
Dearest Sam,
I am so in awe of your bravery and humour.
I hope so much that you continue to benefit from the love care and prayers of all who love and care about you.
Sending you my love Elaine xx
On a sunny Friday autumn morning, this is the best news ever! Thank you for sharing – reading about how well Monday went (considering everything) makes me giggle, teary (happy ones!) and grateful all at the same time. I’m so glad that the diet and meds are working their magic on Bertha and I heard that housework could counter these effects so best to leave it out of the equation! You’re in our thoughts and prayers and as always, sending more positive vibes and love you way xxx